Fuck what you heard over at Kindling Quarterly, there’s one thing to know about being a hipster dad in Brooklyn: Shit ain’t sweet. Sure, there’s no sugar in the locally sourced, kitty-churned fat free ice cream at the local fey sweets shop (all the better to spike it with Benadryl, you dig?), but just because your kid isn’t bouncing off the walls, doesn’t mean they’re not a handful. Or a shoulderful as the case may be.
I’m a Brooklyn dad who does a lot of walking, quite often with 30-plus pounds of kid draped over my shoulders. I also have flat feet (hereditary), an occasionally balky back (from the flat feet), and this weird dead leg thing that flares up from time to time (thanks to the clod-brained movers at [MOVINGCOMPANYREDACTED] who fucked up the slats on my bed). In short, I got 99 problems, and almost all of them have to do with pains in my feet and legs.
But here comes Sneaker Report to my rescue, with three wonderfully weird running shoes: the OluKai Kia’i Trainer II, the Smaat Lolander, and Saucony Cortana. Function and form run neck and neck in my book: I won’t wear anything that’s really wack (although my tastes in sneakers are pretty catholic—I like free!), but I’ll never wear anything that’s uncomfortable. Of course all sorts of caveats apply: these are running shoes, not necessarily built for the multiple terrains and varying weight loads involved with schlepping a kid around the city. I put each sneaker through the paces of a BK father’s day: about 5 miles of walking, a little sandbox, splashing in the fountains, and dodging dog poop. Read on to learn the best of the best.