Alt-fitness isn't an entirely new concept. Everything from Richard Simmons' "Sweatin' to the Oldies" to Cro-Mags frontman John Joseph proclaiming
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The Mindset
I sort of define it as body positivity for negative people. I hated gym class, but understand that if I want to lose a few pounds or stay sample size, I need to "Get Active," as kids are wont to say these days. So I got the appropriate gear and got my #healthgoth on.
The Uniform
Pictured: Under Armour Jacket, Gloves, and Shirt; Shorts by Alexander Wang x H&M
Acceptable Substitutes: Nike Tech Fleece, adidas Tiro Pants, Anything from Healthgoth.com
I figured a #healthgoth workout kit is incomplete without a piece from the recent Alexander Wang x H&M collaboration, and athletic shorts with "WANG" across the front is pretty much like the dude version of those Juicy Couture pants with "JUICY" on the ass that every other girl wore in high school, so why not? Under Armour is also a must, with a moisture-wicking shirt, running gloves, and a black windbreaker for blustery days.
The Sneakers
Pictured: adidas by Rick Owens Tech Runner, $790, available at store.y-3.com
Acceptable Substitutes: Nike Roshe Run, Nike Air Max, Y-3 Qasa, adidas Tubular Runner (as long as they're predominantly black)
To channel Mars Blackmon, #healthgoth is also all about the shoes. Y-3 footwear and black Nike Air Maxes or Roshe Runs are also popular options, but the recent adidas by Rick Owens Tech Runners just look the coolest. It's also subversive to work out in them since all of the adidas designer collaborations come with an explicit disclaimer saying you shouldn't expect the same level of performance as say, a Springblade—so using them to exercise is actually kind of punk. Rick Owens is considered the de facto face of #healthgoth, since the man's body is as severe as the proportions of the clothing he designs. He has super-jacked arms and since he wears drop crotch pants like 99% of the time I doubt he's a fan of "leg day." A couple of years ago Industrie interviewed him about his workout habits, and believe me, the images are as great as the interview.
The Workout
Stretching is still important before any sort of fitness regimen. Yes, self harm through the forced ripping of musculature is #healthgoth as fuck, but you know what isn't? Injuring yourself when you could totally prevent it. The point is to push yourself to your limit, but also maintain the basic tenets of a quality exercise.
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Rick Owens admitted that he hates cardio, so doing jumping jacks in the adidas by Rick Owens Tech Runners felt a little like I was disappointing the Ur-#healthgoth, but it was a pretty solid warm-up.
The main fitness goal of the #healthgoth is to build as much lean muscle mass as possible. Free weights and resistance exercises are the name of the game. Since I didn't have any freeweights handy, core exercises and basic resistance training like push-ups, burpees, and suicides had to suffice.
Hydration
Hydration is essential to post-workout recovery, and obviously blk. is the most #healthgoth drink there is. Full of electrolytes and a high pH, the mineral water gets its dark color from the fulvic trace minerals inside it. Seeing as to how these minerals are produced by the biodegradation of dead organic matter, that only makes it even more #healthgoth.
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The Takeaway
As someone who was excited by the concept of the Nike FuelBand because it struck me as something from a Philip K. Dick or William Gibson novel, the whole #healthgoth aesthetic appealed to me for the same reasons. It's about self-improvement and fitness, but through ridiculous self-awareness and none of the new age positivity or mysticism of modern gym culture, nor the "lunk alarm" shaming and free pizza of chains like Planet Fitness. It's exercise on your own terms, "No Pain, No Gain," treated like it was a song written by Morrissey.
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