10 Reasons to Never Run a Marathon, Ever

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Complex Original

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Hurt Runner
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Gurvinder Singh Gandu is a New York City-based writer and wear-tester for Sneaker Report, and contributor to Complex Media. Follow him on Twitter @GurvinderSG for the latest in performance footwear and gear.

RELATED: 10 Reasons to Do a Marathon at Some Point in Your Life
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1.

Homer Running

No. 10 - You have to run 26.2 miles!

Beginner runners often tend to underestimate the reality of running 26.2 miles. It may not look all that intimidating on paper, but a couple of miles into the race and you’ll eventually realize the mess you’ve gotten yourself into. To put it in layman’s terms, you’ll be running for hours on end. You don’t want to have to go through that do you?

2.

family guy working out

No. 9 - You’ll have to train

Just because you’ve run some 5k’s in your high school days doesn’t automatically qualify you for marathon-ready status. Running 26+ miles takes a lot of toughness—both mental and physical. If you’re serious about crossing that finish line, you’ll have to spend a minimum of 4-6 weeks getting your body used to the cardio and build up stamina. That means less time partying and more time sweating it out. And all for what—a finisher’s medal? C’mon man!

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No. 8 - You have to pay to play

Nothing in life is free, especially not marathons. As if running 26 miles wasn’t bad enough, signing up for a marathon generally requires paying an entrance fee. While the fees vary from race to race, even the lower-end marathons cost around $100 to enter. And if you want to try your hand at a more notable race like the New York City Marathon, expect to shell out anywhere from $200-$350 depending on whether you’re a member, and where you reside. You’re better off keeping that money in the bank. Did we also mention that you’ll probably have to cop a new pair of running shoes? The expenses will rack up quickly.

4.

bruno football

No. 7 - You have to give up your weekend

Marathon festivities generally kick off at the crack of dawn on Sundays. That means less sleep and less football. Need we say more?

5.

Crowded marathon

No. 6 - Too crowded

What’s the point of signing up for a marathon when you can’t even run 10 feet without bumping elbows with someone? With the popularity of running seemingly at an all-time high, marathons attract masses of runners with something to prove. That’s great and all, but isn’t the point of running to clear the mind and find inner peace? Good luck trying to do that with some big dude breathing down your neck.

6.

waiting in line

No. 5 - Packet pickup blows

Unless you can sucker someone into getting yours, you’ll have to take time out of your busy work week to go pick up your race day packet (which includes your bib with race number, t-shirt, etc.). This means waiting in lines and having to deal with the rowdy expo crowd.

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No. 4 - You may never run again

All it takes is one marathon to make you hang up your sneakers for good and never run again. Seriously, if you’re a beginner or a short-distance specialist looking to make the jump to marathons, you may not realize what you’re getting yourself into. All those miles during race day and the training leading up to it could make you burn out quickly and cause you to resent the sport altogether.

8.

Hurt Runner

No. 3 - Painful Aftermath

You’ll be so pumped up on endorphins and adrenaline during the race that you may not feel it immediately, but rest assured, you’re going to be hurting from head to toe when it’s all said and done. Even seasoned marathoners feel the hurt days after a race, so a newcomer like you stands no chance. Be prepared to be bedridden for a week straight. You’ll be hurting so bad, no amount of compression gear will be able to save you.

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obama chicken

No. 2 - You’ll have to “watch what you eat”

There’s more to running marathon than meets the eye. Sure there’s the actual running part where you attempt to build up enough stamina to keep you going mile after mile. But having the proper nutritional game plan and knowing what to eat and (equally as important) what not to eat, can mean the difference between finishing and coming up short. You have to fuel up properly—this means no junk food. Worth it? We say nay.

10.

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No. 1 - It can mess you up for life

The short-term ramifications of long distance running are quite obvious. Immediately after the race you’ll be sore, tired, achy, and just plain miserable. But the long-term impact running a marathon can have on your body can be ever more serious. With so much distance to cover, runners (especially noobs) are prone to countless running-related injuries ranging from shin splints to runner’s knee and more. These injuries can leave permanent damage that will surely change your whole perspective on running. It’s best to just avoid the risk altogether.

Gurvinder Singh Gandu is a New York City-based writer and wear-tester for Sneaker Report, and contributor to Complex Media. Follow him on Twitter @GurvinderSG for the latest in performance footwear and gear.

RELATED: 10 Reasons to Do a Marathon at Some Point in Your Life
RELATED: 5 Injuiries, 5 Shoes: Helpful Hints to Prevent Your Most Frequent Running Ailments